Lived with a dog that used to howl if I played a certain note on the harmonica. Like pressing a start button on his brain. Felt the same way about smoking, just couldn’t stop it if a certain thought in my brain was pressed. Never subscribed to the line of thought that nicotine was the problem for am I not my own master? No apparently. There is no free will and there is. One of those things that can’t be explained exactly with words. I tried to empathize with the dog and how it lived especially being a creature that should be running free that found itself restricted by people and their important television watching schedules. I promised the dog to be different and not contribute to unnecessary suffering. The dog promised to not judge me which made me feel worse. I play a bit but have remained inadequate because I compare every note to Little Walter. And why not judge yourself against those who hit the mark? Maybe because judging yourself is like pressing a button on your brain, like starting a tape loop, like entering something that will end negatively, again. Maybe better than shaking a paw is to be disinterested in participating.
The Royal Cinema in Toronto soon is screening some P.T. Anderson films, I noticed a film I missed called Hard Eight and looked at the trailer. Damn is film life ever less interesting without Phillip Seymour Hoffman around.
Over time as I hear my own habits, if I’m going left then I want to go right. I want to not recognize myself by the end of it and still like the song. Last year in-between chasing cars when I’m off leash, wrote a song about Jian Ghomeshi but the arrangement wasn’t satisfying. It’ll get posted eventually. Actually it is about other characters too. Recently Marie took the case of woman challenging Harvey Weinstein. Wonder if on some level she considers that a way to reframe herself? I wonder if taking a high profile case of a victim proves something different than taking the high profile case of an abuser? Hope it doesn’t mean lawyers just do anything for money.