Yesterday at the Santa Claus parade the first participant we noticed was a clown with a garbage can. Wonder if anyone besides me understood the planners vision: Santa at the end and Rob Ford at the front. The sidewalk is filled with wet leaves, the new tree is now leafless but when I gaze at it I see the future, how big and beautiful it will be and how unfortunate for my south facing solar panel dream wall. Woke up and listened to the usual cacophony, same old internal issues, same station. Thought this is just like the external noise of disappointing human activity. Like how humans pollute and there is no appealing to them to recognize the future deaths, including themselves. Same emotional experience as appealing to inner tape loops. Change your own recording or else! Or else what? After the parade we took a sauna. I miss the sweat that the Y membership afforded, the conversations with random men about random issues but especially the cat and mouse games between me and anal management types proud of the sign “rules for being in sauna”. Threatened with being kicked out for reading in the dry sauna. Sometimes when my guard was down I would try appealing to them to think a little more realistically. As pointless as trying to change oneself and anyone else.