lawyer: We received your contract and it all looks good except your signature is missing from the non-disclosure agreement.
musician: I didn’t forget, just rather not.
lawyer: Pardon me?
musician: It’s like saying I can’t say anything bad about them.
lawyer: Yes, that’s protocol, every contract.
musician: But what does that have to do with me making music?
lawyer: It has nothing to do with you making music. It is about the company controlling the information surrounding the promotion of the film.
musician: C’mon, what if they’re assholes to work with? Shouldn’t I be allowed to say so and so is an asshole if they are an asshole?
lawyer: Con-trol-ling-pu-bli-ci-ty. There are other remedies if there are disputes in the course of fulfilling the delivery schedule of the compositions.
musician: They can control the publicity by simply not acting like assholes. Hardly any paperwork. Simple no? Would you really tell your mother to sign something like this?
lawyer: This isn’t about my mother. Composers sign these agreements all the time.
musician: They didn’t used to. What’s the company so afraid of anyway? And why would they even think my opinion, even if it was negative, could impact their big money publicist machinery? If I pinch you would you feel it? Like does your heart actually experience emotions?
(he leans in)
lawyer: Don’t touch me!
musician: Just curious.
lawyer: We will get someone else.
musician: Are you sure?
lawyer: It seems that is your preference.
musician: Yep, you definitely wouldn’t feel it.
lawyer: You think you’re the only person to ever take a stand? I marched against cruise missile testing, where were you?
musician: So who happened? Why aren’t you marching now against fascist thinking? How can you defend a company that needs to silence free thought in the name of “controlling publicity”. Just think about that. How incapable of being creative are they, how confident are they of their own art making if they need to police thought?
lawyer: I know it isn’t the usual fee.
musician: They apologized for how low the fee was. They said I would be doing them an enormous favour, yawn, I never heard that before. I said ok I’ll help you and now they want me to voluntarily position myself to be muzzled and liable if I’m not vigilant about always keeping my opinions filtered?
lawyer: Why don’t I discuss this with Shelly maybe we can pull some strings and increase your fee. no promises but would that change things?
musician: It’s like I’m asking you about Chopin and you want to discuss the hats worn by The Captain and Tennille.
lawyer: This is life.
musician: I know.
lawyer: You think you’re going to change anything?
musician: Probably not.
musician: Do you have kids?
musician: Is this the kind of thing you teach them?
lawyer: Let’s talk about paying you a little more and finishing this agreement. The world is not perfect.
musician: For real?
lawyer: They’ll probably want a different composer now and I’m going to look foolish.
musician: I think you’ll get through.
lawyer: That’s not the point.
musician: Did you sign a confidentiality agreement as well?
musician: Here, Shelly’s company, did she expect you to do that as well?
lawyer: I’m the company’s lawyer, I write the contracts.
musician: Then they wouldn’t need you sign a contract where you would be liable for saying anything negative about them right?
lawyer: And your point is?
musician: I wonder what it sounds like if when I did any interviews I said the lawyer for the company sure said some negative things about them. Like that’s not me saying anything negative about them myself right?
lawyer: Very funny. But I didn’t say anything negative about them. Ok fuck it don’t sign it, we’ll try to work it out, who knows there’s always a first time.