in your head

I have many dead friends on Facebook. Sometimes I look at their old profiles now cluttered with advertisements for sun glasses and vacation getaways. We had a discussion in class about whether to think about the audience when you perform. Many musicians love to go down that road as though it is just a math formula to solve but unlike a math formula there is no irrefutable solution. I like to think I’m capable of turning it off but I’m not. Nowadays it’s more like walking a high wire with the the always present risk of falling. The other day a student asked if I could help her write about a dead pet with the caveat she doesn’t want to reveal it is about a dead pet because of what people will think. What people think of you stops almost everyone. .Somebody once wrote that people live with a pack mentality, like dogs or wolves following an alpha. There is an election coming up now in Canada. The potential leaders are lame. Reminds me of the pack mentality thing. Isn’t that tied up in the same imaginary concern about the judgement of others towards you? Be part of the pack. What will people think if you disagree with the team? She started laughing when I encouraged her to intentionally write bad lyrics but it’s true. Get past imaginary ideas of the crowd. To combat fear of looking stupid just intentionally look stupid, probably then it falls away. One more old friend added last night to the list of dead profiles. Too fresh for the spam to take over so I can still pretend we are in the same universe both living when I look it over.

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