Twice I crossed the border with Americans I was on tour with who had pot with them and didn’t tell me. They broke it out to celebrate soon after we crossed not realizing the line they crossed. If we were busted it would be the end of my work crossing borders too. Had a good talk with J. the former filmmaker, walking his dog in High Park. Talked about the ins and outs of being triggered, the blindness of anger and what he called the advantage of knowing it in advance. Sometimes, he said, after a blow up you’re left with regret over the fact nothing changes, they didn’t understand why you got upset and you wish you didn’t bother – that’s the trick that allows you to have a different experience, the remembering of how pointless you might feel after a blow up. And then he asked me what sets me off and I didn’t have an immediate answer. An hour or so later I remembered those border crossings.