eating the date pits

I ate a kumquat for the first time at John Oswald’s house sometime in the 90s. A kumquat is like a miniature orange and the skin is just like any orange except it is edible which throws you when all your life you know you don’t chew and swallow the rind of oranges or for that matter lemons, pineapples, papayas or grapefruits. It’s amazing to suddenly put that knowledge on the shelf and intentionally do what seems unnatural. I’m thinking I should have kumquats on hand whenever I supposedly teach courses on anything, a workable and immediate symbol of our task at hand. John was in my dream last night. First I was hired to play on a recording, I played the client’s song and improvised through the whole thing only to realize once finished I should do it again and leave more space or else the song will be drenched in my contribution and less interesting for it. Then noticed John enter the same room or else noticed he was already sitting there in the same place as I. I started to update him on what I was doing these days, that I was at school and wondered to myself if he thought I was too old to be returning to school or if he thought he himself was too. One of my classmates has twice said insulting things about being older and I wasn’t sure if it means I’m unwelcome or that she’s oblivious and feels fine about talking dismissively about people as losers just because they are older than her. It’s made further awkward by the fact everyone in academia is busy trying to prove how non judgemental they are, including her and I rarely get to point out the impossibility of this stance without risking them thinking I’m an old non progressive person with offensive opinions. At least for now, I am doubtful they will ever risk swallowing the rind.

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