I planned to play some instrumental music on the grand piano at the show the other night but I chickened out. By the time I was on half the audience left and those that remained looked like chatterboxes. Glad I brought two other musicians to share the spotlight and sing and ditched the idea of playing solo instrumentally. I listened one time to a lecture by a guru who spoke about the spotlight and how it alters a person. Whoever’s turn it is becomes electrified or intoxicated in a way (with themselves). I could follow what they meant. When it is your turn it is a bit like pouring gasoline on being you, whatever you think is you. I do wish I could share the instrumental stuff the way I play it alone in a silent room but it is repelling to do it in an unfocussed space. Pretty sure I’m not the only solo musician who when performing hears all the sounds and is distracted especially by the sounds of audience members who think it is a good time to discuss the score of a baseball game (that was played a week ago). Totally pours water on the fire and who wants to try doing this with wet wood. But I used to watch a guy do it all the time and I admired him. I never knew for sure if what moved me was his bravery or not, like if he chose to deliver his work despite the noise or just wasn’t aware of it. I guess it comes down to the fact that the thing I can do alone in a silent room has everything to do with listening and even me (ostensibly the creator of it) is simultaneously an audience of it, listening to the silence surrounding it otherwise I can’t make it happen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"