He saw it in the spit valve water trembling under neon light
Tuesday night gig, half-empty bar, bartender polishing the same glass like eternity had fingerprints<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He held a note so long the ceiling tiles began to breathe
the drummer\u2019s ride cymbal shimmering like a nervous halo
pianist waiting for the change that never arrived<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and the note opened<\/p>\n\n\n\n
not upward, not outward
but inward<\/p>\n\n\n\n
like a subway tunnel under his ribcage<\/p>\n\n\n\n
and suddenly the faces at the tables were masks made of vapor
beer bottles glowing with borrowed existence
the microphone stand a thin black tree in a forest of cardboard<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is it he thought.
This is the dream.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not poetic dream
not \u201clife is but a dream\u201d sung in kindergarten harmony<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Actual dream.
Self-inventing dream.
A trumpet hallucinating lungs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He stopped playing and the note kept going inside him.
No one noticed.
They were checking their phones, their drinks, their reflections in glass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The drummer said later, \u201cMan, you rushed the outro.\u201d
The pianist said, \u201cNo you did.\u201d
The club owner said, \u201cKeep it tighter next set.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He nodded. Yes. Form. Time. Money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He tried once, after rehearsal, to explain it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you ever feel like we\u2019re projections? Like this whole thing is dreaming itself through us?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The bassist blinked.
\u201cYou need sleep.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No.
Sleep was the problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He walked home under lamps that hummed like minor sevenths.
The city looked like scenery painted for a play that already closed.
He felt tenderness toward traffic lights, toward strangers arguing, toward the stray cat under the awning of the old Brunswick House.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All dream figures.
Beautiful. Temporary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The danger was not madness but telling the truth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If he said it plainly, they would say burnout, drugs, breakdown, midlife, whatever label fits a man who sees through drywall.
They would not hear what he heard when the horn vibrated against his teeth like a cosmic tuning fork.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So he carried it quietly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Onstage he improvised more recklessly.
Why not?
You cannot damage a dream.
You cannot secure applause from vapor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He pitied them gently, the way one pities sleepers who thrash at shadows.
He pitied himself too, because revelation does not grant exemption.
You still pay rent inside the mirage.
You still argue about tempo.
You still worry about the next booking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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