The SSHRC business (applying for government grant for the phd) is very much like the setting artists are familiar with applying for national, provincial or city grants. The best part are the unseen judges because it’s easy for mind to get carried away imagining who the judges are and how they think. And there’s no shortage of people telling you who the judges are and how they think – but best experience if you pay attention is how many contradictions get floated for inspection. I have been told “start with this sentence” and “don’t ever start with that sentence” already a bunch. It just means the rules are suspect. Some years ago I sat in on three FACTOR juries. Amazing to be up close and personal with the flaws, to stand behind the curtain and watch how the wizard makes the big shadow. Nothing else like it for realizing what’s going on and how many suckers believe the big shadow is the dude. You can’t control the dice, you want snake eyes but you don’t know until after they’re thrown. Though it does read much better now. My first draft was poorer. I asked many people for their feedback and some inserted magical solutions making the language better than anything I could have come up with alone. Maybe that’s the thing to celebrate, the collaborating with people who don’t know they were collaborating with me.