I’ve read so much about torture, a by product of reading history, that it’s always the first thing that goes through my mind when I catch myself complaining. Like I didn’t get enough sleep last night and then I think about people in the gulags or people in concentration camps etc. At least I’m nowhere close to all those millions of lives and how they were forced into various sufferings, who am I to complain. It’s a reflexive thought. Last night I went to practice piano in the building where usually I’m alone but there were other musicians performing a free improvisation concert. It had just ended. One of the tech people is a friend and also plays music. I asked later what they thought of those musicians and with a shrug they said they don’t get it, there’s nothing going on when they hear that type of music, their energy was inviting me to agree or start a fight. Yes a monkey could make that Jackson Pollock or that Picasso or else no you’re wrong! You should look differently! But it’s a reflex that isn’t going anywhere fast. I sort of doubt “words” can change anyone’s mind. That’s why I don’t think I can “teach” anyone anything in my position as a lecturer at the University, except curating experiences which might lead to other types of thinking, but that would be them doing it to themselves. Automatic torture comparisons won’t be stopped, it’s just words asking themselves why did we think of that, or telling oneself I do not need to think of that. What actually ends the loops is a combo of doing, like moving into practising or exercising which grow a disinterest in listening to the complaints, every manifestation whether not sleeping enough or about who had it worse. The thing actually useful is caring less about thought.