Wednesday at the Guelph open stage there were three performers and one audience member. A woman who busks playing percussion along to Youtube videos. A hippie who brought a drum because you never know. A crooner who knew two chords that went on forty minutes. The sole audience member asked the woman if she played jazz to which she said, “No I doesn’t speak jazz” and added, “I don’t understand it.” The man said “Well it’s an intellectual language.” I screamed inside “It is not an intellectual language” but I was practising not getting angry and this was a golden opportunity. The piano guy did sound a lot like he listens to certain phrases of Stevie Wonder all day and all night for years. I wondered exactly what excuse I could float to wind down the two chords for forty-five minute exercise. Percussion lady offered to play to more Youtube videos if I really wanted and before I could answer she put on Billy Joel and all three played along to Piano Man. It was tough. It’s an odd handle to me. Like an actor projecting a Hollywood movie so that they could perform and pretend to be in the film too. Andy Kaufmann beat them to it when he sung “Here I come to save the day” a la Mighty Mouse fifty years ago. In a way I think he beat everyone at everything.