Sometimes people make a plan to practice something over and over and they do not. But each day wake up eager to get dreaming how they will get there and the discipline required and mostly fail again. I don’t think it is interpreted as if it’s supposed to be this way, instead the person feels bad, invests more in solving depressed feelings. Maybe makes lists of positive affirmations or sees a shrink or gets hypnotherapy and a few mood rings – because believing one is acting in a way they should not, feels bad and one should change it. In my studies I’m now reading about wonder Gaia theory, that the Earth is a system doing everything as it is because that serves the system precisely – which means the all and everything of life is absolutely correct. Every event, including every horrible event, serves the needs of the Earth. The Earth both doesn’t take a side and supports what’s going on to continue going on, like water bending to anything whether mixed with creating life or mixed with poison, the water’s cool to continue being water. To follow Gaia theory is to see the activity of human kind not as separate people vs. rest of the world, but as one more life form programmed to behave specifically as it does. Sort of like saying the Earth wants ants to carry out the ant business and humankind to carry out the humankind business which is both creating a vaccine and proudly dying having not taken a vaccine, both making atom bombs and making solar panels, and it’s also expressing dissatisfaction with themselves and desperately wishing to change. I’m trying to connect writing about Gaia theory with my thesis, with the idea of a musician trying to be a certain way musically and having a wake up moment that maybe everything they’re on fire to change, that the very need of trying to carry it out, might be of suspicious origin.