phd ideas

Passed a jogger this morning, doppelgänger of Al Minimalist Jug Band thirty years ago, even down to the clothing and hat. Was just about to say hello when it hit me it can’t be true because now he should look thirty years older. Fave moment was the just-before-realizing-it-wasn’t-true-but-might-be-true. Went to the Tranzac to check my equipment and try playing my songs. Later doing an online show to an imaginary audience hosted by the Alberta Rose theatre in Portland. All these shows people are doing fall into the imaginary audience category. Does one wait for imaginary applause when a song concludes? Seems like the same space as this morning, is this Al/ it can’t be Al. Keep coming up against people talking about the audience and positioning the conversation as though a musician needs to play for an audience for the benefit of the audience…something like that. The thing that gets me about performing has nothing to do with that line of thought. I’m more intrigued by the distraction of the audience and all the percolating conspiratorial voices that feel entitled to come more alive than ever, once a show starts. Like the evil bastard inside you who says you might forget the lyrics. Such rotten characters that come alive making threats in the midst of the show. When I try imagining what to write about in my upcoming studies at IICSI, I keep returning to that business of the internal state of a performer vs. the distraction of the audience. Maybe distraction is the wrong word because it’s first about the mind of the performer and only secondly about the presence of audience.

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