secret work

Coleslaw: purple cabbage, carrots, beets, onions, toasted pine nuts, cilantro, pickles, red chilli flakes, herbs de Provence. Dressing: oil, vinegar, maple syrup, mustard. I love the coleslaws, yet when I’m supposed to make something for a pot luck I often feel stumped or full of doubt whether anyone will like what I make. It’s worth tracing these things backwards, sometimes you find out there’s a whole story going on upstairs not based on anything but the regularity of imagining disaster. Awareness and determination to stare it down, that’s all that’s needed. Julia flattered my right hand’s pianistic capabilities a few years ago. Instantly I wondered what’s wrong with my left? There’s nothing wrong with my left, but it’s true, I later thought, the magic is in the right. Been working lately at teaching right hand sequences to lefty. It’s just patience. It’s like taking drugs, it feels like another part of the brain is receiving oxygen. There’s no one to prove anything to, just a secret euphoria.

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