student: i’m sorry mrs. stadnk. i know i didn’t practise i’m sorry i tried really like i even have reminder posters on the wall in my room “practise” like i think about it all the time and sometimes i’m on a roll but then i get in this downward spiral and i can’t do anything but veg out and i’m not in control anymore. but i’m going to change really.
mrs. stadnyk: don’t worry about it.
student: if i don’t worry about it how will i ever change it?
mrs. stadnyk: i don’t know if you’ll ever change it but i do know worrying about it is like glueing something into place.
student: i don’t think you understand.
mrs. stadnyk: you see the kids in the playground over there?
student: yes.
mrs. stadnyk: do you think there are good odds there’s a kid among the kids who insults somebody’s shoes or haircut or food they brought for lunch and makes them feel like what they have isn’t good enough?
student: i do.
mrs. stadnyk: what do you think the odds are that some little kid gets hurt by that bully and feels just as inadequate as the bully wants them to, even though you and i both know it isn’t true. do you think there could be a kid in the playground who fears the mean kid or starts believing what they say is true and then wants to change that thing about themselves?
student: of course.
mrs. stadnyk: if you could talk to the targeted kid today could you convince them that what the bully says isn’t true or doesn’t matter. that they’re both little kids and the colour of their shoes or the kind of bread in their sandwich doesn’t mean anything at all?
student: i don’t know.
mrs. stadnyk: you can’t. their stuck that way just like you’re stuck this way believing there is a fight you need to win in order to make yourself different than how you are. if the kid knew it didn’t mean anything than there’s no reason to feel hurt or play the game. it might even become laughable if they could see it. worry is like adding glue.
student: then how do i get myself to practise.
mrs. stadnyk: beats me.